Finding a Voice

This particular journey is nearing the end. It has been exhausting yet exhilarating, affirming and confirming my calling to a creative lifestyle, with music as a central part of that.

The house concert in Kitchener, Ontario was a delightful reunion of Briercrest alumni from the 2000s, plus a few new faces. One fun introduction was Laura S. Her sister Hannah (also there) was one of my students and introduced Laura to this blog. Laura has been quietly reading for a couple of years, and finally we met. It was amazing to open my concert singing "Poetess" and see her wipe away tears, then later to ask what caused the tears and have her respond that it was seeing me "standing, declaring my choice / To take my calling after resisting far too long." Hmmm. What a place to be in.

My other Ontario house concert in Markham was quite a bit smaller, but no less lovely in reuniting with old friends and meeting new ones. The CACSD meetings were fruitful, there were several opportunities for rejuvenation and reconnecting with friends during the trip. Of course, a touring schedule, sleeping in a different bed every night or two, being with different people every day or two, is not easy and I have often longed for a companion and/or a manager/agent at home and/or a laptop of my own to help streamline some aspects of life on the road.

I'm in Calgary this week. Arrived at 10:00 on Thursday evening (midnight in Ontario). Probably one of the funniest (as in ha-ha) touring moments happened the next morning at 6:30 when my alarm went off to get me up for a day of CHEC meetings (Christian Higher Education Canada). My last bed in Ontario was a mattress on the floor for two nights (comfy and restful). However, my bed in Calgary is your typical off-the-ground variety, but combining lack of sleep and disorientation, I jumped, rolled, and fell on the floor, banging my forehead on the night table! A bit of ice and nobody could tell, but it underscored my relief to be staying put here at my brother Tom's place for a few days and doing ordinary family things like driving my nephews and niece to school and writing little ditties to record on a birthday CD for my youngest niece and nephew.

Just a few days ago I found out that the Canadian Christian Music conference is here on Thursday and Friday, so I'm going to go for learning, networking, and inspiration. Possible workshops present me with some tough choices:

• Grants – Find out how you can improve your chances of receiving grants with tips on writing effective applications
• The Signpost Music Story – What it takes to make it as an independent artist. Speaker: Steve Bell
• Tours and Booking Panel – Perhaps the biggest challenge for the artist, booking gigs is an art in itself. Hear from a panel who have been putting together successful tours and concerts for years.
• SOCAN – What is SOCAN and why is it so important to the Canadian Artist? Hear what’s going on in Canada, how to protect your songs, and get answers to your questions.
  
• Artist Management Panel – Whether self-managed or you have a manager, hear what it takes to stay proactive rather than reactive in this industry.
• The Songwriting Process: Steve Bell and Carolyn Arends talk about the process of songwriting.
• The Secret Life of the Artist: Learn from the Breakforth founder and artist: Arlen Salte – Breakforth Ministries
• On-Stage Techniques: Learn from the Tom Jackson school of stage presence, from one of his trained presenters, Kevin Pauls
• Artist Panel: The realities of being a Canadian Christian Artist full time
• Kick-start the Heart – a frank discussion on how to take your heart for music and ministry and begin building a lasting career in the Christian music industry – Speaker: Jon Buller, Hear the Music Ministries
• Worship as a Journey: the corporate movement from alienation to intimacy between God and God’s people. Speaker: Steve Bell

Caronport this weekend, then home to Spiritwood for a few days where I'll pack up to move to my brother Jeffrey's place in Duval, SK (population about twenty) to be Jeffrey's business manager and general "Girl Friday" for Jeffrey: potter, photographer, writer, musician, etc., etc. It will be an outlet for all my best admin & marketing impulses and provide some creative space for me, too. It's time to write songs and stories. Jeffrey and I have some big artistic dreams, both separately and together, so will prayerfully proceed.

These sorts of dreams have been stirring in my heart and soul for a long time, but I could hardly imagine how or where they could begin to happen, even though Jeffrey had talked about similar things. The past year in Spiritwood has been transitional, knowing that I needed to finish my thesis and regain some health while seeking the Lord for the next step.

While in Ontario, my friend Anna reminded me of a developmental model that helps make sense of this past season: Janet Hagberg's Critical Journey. I've spent most of the year on a "journey inward" (stage 4), and have struggled "to be comfortable staying in this place until the new path comes." This summer I started hitting "the wall," wanting direction (particularly paying work) rather than waiting. I wrote out some elaborate schemes, trying to imagine ways to move on, make money and fulfill my calling at the same time. I have even submitted numerous resumes, with no bites. What should I do, what should I do, what should I do?

In all of this, the Lord has clearly had his hand on me. I recognize it in many ways. First there was the breakthrough in going on tour. There have been places to sleep and food to eat and people to sing for and with. As the tour nears the end, I have been wondering what to do next. I could keep touring, but it's time to stop and rest and be creative. I have been scouring job sites and brainstorming possibilities for self-employment income. Walls, walls, walls. Now Duval.

Though it seems perhaps a bit strange and risky, what hasn't been risky and unusual in my life for the past year plus? We're not naive. This transition will not be without challenges, of course, but that's the nature of anything worth doing. This feels like the right next step, pulling together all of my interests, training, experience and passion for the arts, business and education.

Hopefully my next post won't be so long in coming.

Here's a forecasted schedule for the next few weeks:

WEEK 6
Mon, Oct 22, Calgary (driving my nephews and niece to school--a nice change for me and a break for my brother & sister-in-law!)
Tue, Oct 23, Calgary, house concert, Pete & Brita Miko's home
Wed, Oct 24, Calgary, writing
Thu, Oct 25, Calgary, Canada Christian Music Conference
evening, Red Deer, house concert at Pete & Audrey Winter's home
Fri, Oct 26, Calgary, CCM conference
drive to Caronport
Sat, Oct 27, Caronport, house concert at Brendan and Laura Winter's home
Sun, Oct 28, Moose Jaw First Free Methodist Church

WEEK 7
Mon, Oct 29, Caronport
Tue, Oct 30, Caronport
Wed, Oct 31, Eston, SK, Full Gospel Bible College, concert (to be confirmed)
Thu, Nov 1, home to Spiritwood, Mom's birthday
Nov 2 - 8, Spiritwood: house concert at Inn on the Tenth; packing to move to Duval, SK for creative space and to be my brother Jeffrey's business manager and personal assistant during the Christmas rush.

Sometime in November: that free trip to California from a bank promotion last year

Labels: CACSD, calling, family, identity, music, vocation, work