Finding a Voice

If this were a dream, what would it mean?

I came over to the office to do a bit of work one Saturday and to play around a bit on the computer. I had been here for a couple of hours and had heard a couple of knocking sounds, so after a trip to the ladies' room I closed the door to the outer office/sitting area.

A few minutes later, I detected a suspicious swinging motion in the corner of my eye. Sure enough -- a bat in the sitting area. There goes the skin crawling again.

I maintained a certain amount of composure while slamming my office door as fast as possible, jamming my middle right finger and breaking the nail.

Breathe. Breathe.

Call Kim.
Laugh nervously when her son answers.
"Why are you laughing?" he asks hesitantly.
"Because there's a bat in my office!"I squeak.

Kim laughs.
She asks her husband for advice.
He says look it up on the internet.
So I google "how to catch a bat."
I find a how-to node by that title on everything2.com.
The node opens with a disclaimer:

"To begin, I should mention that this writeup is about how to catch a bat which has mistakenly wandered into your domicile. Unlike how to catch a snake, this is not about how to acquire a wild bat for fun and profit."

Dashed hopes. I had considered keeping the little guy. Only he didn't look so little, swooping around with his wings spread wide.

Cogito advises 4 easy steps to catching a bat:

Step 1. Wait.
Wait until the bat stops flying around and goes to sleep somewhere.

Step 2. Gather Supplies.
Recommendations: a container (clear tupperware is best), a cover (cardboard, or better, something clear), and gloves.

Right. The first two I have, but the latter? How am I going to get out of here to find gloves? Really.

"Any other protective gear is optional. Use as much as you need to feel comfortable." Fortunately, I wore a hoodie today, so I've got that covered.

Step 3. Trap
That's the verb, not the noun. Trap, as in, to trap the bat. Trap the bat. Yeah right.

Step 4. Release
Assuming you've caught the bat.

Kim suggested putting a garbage can over my head. No. We agreed that I might need help. "Call Gwen," she says. How vindictive. Gwen, if you recall, is the one who laughed hysterically at my previous bat incident and then commented about it on my blog. For what it was worth, I tried to call Gwen. But she didn't appear to be home. The ringing and ringing of her phone was lulling me when suddenly arose a bat into my office. How did he get in?!?! I screamed (of course), dropped the phone, fell to the floor and pulled my chair over top of me. I crawled under the desk, fumbled with the phone and was relieved to find it still ringing ... no answering machine!

I called Carol and tried to get calm. The bat had parked upside down in my ceiling (which is like a giant waffle ... ah, 1970s architecture). Preening, he looked very small, innocent, and ominous. Carol suggested covering my head, which I had already done, having serendipitously worn a hoodie that day. Then she suggested calling Kathy who has successfully removed many bats from the dorm she directs. Before the call ended the bat took flight again, I shrieked again, it landed on and crawled under the overstuffed chair. Whew! I got out of the office while I could and called Kathy who came over with just a toque over her hand.

I had left the doors wide open on all the offices in my space and the bat was nowhere to be found. Oops. It could be hiding anywhere really.

After searching a bit, we noticed something flying in the lounge again and then saw it flying in the foyer, so we opened a couple of outside doors and called to it. Of course I cringed a lot ... and tried to be brave (i.e. not scream). It swooped out and that was the end of that.

Kathy said bats don't bother her, but a snake would have been another story. For me, a snake would have been nothing!

Have I mentioned that bats make my skin crawl in the creepiest way?